I saw this article and thought even though it’s something you don’t want to talk about when you find out your pregnant sometimes it’s a reality. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes, it happens. You might find yourself splitting from your partner, but you also happen to be pregnant, too. Just because you’re expecting doesn’t mean that you should defer your divorce, though, especially if you have a valid reason for wanting to part ways. Still, it can be challenging to know how to navigate divorce while pregnant. If you’re facing this sticky situation, here’s what you need to know.
Sure, divorce can be difficult in and of itself, but then add on a pregnancy and it can be downright devastating. But before you dive right into the divorce proceedings, you’ll need to make yourself (and your unborn baby) the top priority. “First and foremost, you must make certain that the mother-to-be stays healthy both physically and emotionally,” Evan R. Weinstein, Esq. of Weinstein Lindemann & Weinstein, explains to Romper. “The pregnancy exists separate and apart from any marital or interpersonal discord between the parents and the outcome of a divorce is certainly less important than the health of the mother-to-be.”
That said, once you’ve made the definitive decision to divorce, you should set yourself up with a lawyer — stat. “If you are pregnant and considering divorce, you should confer with an attorney immediately,” Tracy Julian, Esq. an attorney with Pashman Stein Walder Hayden, explains to Romper. “It will be important to understand your rights, the rights of the baby, and the rights of the father with regard to custody and parenting time.”
In some ways, pursing a divorce while pregnant doesn’t differ all that much from when you already have children. “The same issues of custody, parenting time, and financial support would exist regardless of whether the mother-to-be has other children,” advises Weinstein. But something that needs to be considered is naming your unborn baby. “Hopefully, consent can be obtained from both parties before child birth as to both the first and last name and how the name will appear on the birth certificate,” says Weinstein. Similarly, if you and your partner have different faiths (or one of you is non-religious), you’ll need to discuss any potential faith-based ceremonies prior to the baby’s birth.
If you’re on good terms with your partner, it’s also ideal to communicate your needs and expectations regarding a birth plan and who will be at the hospital for the delivery. “It would be preferable for the parents to agree upon a parenting time schedule for the time period after the baby leaves the hospital as well,” says Julian. “If the parties are unable to agree, it would be best to resolve any disputes regarding these issues prior to the birth of the baby to avoid urgent court applications while welcoming the child into the world.”
Another big factor to take into consideration before entering into divorce proceedings is insurance issues. “If the pregnant person is covered by their spouse’s health insurance and they get divorced, that health insurance will be revoked the moment they are divorced,” Russell D. Knight, a divorce lawyer in Chicago, IL, tells Romper. “This could pose a grave risk to both the mother and the unborn child.” So if you are under your spouse’s insurance (and still need the coverage for prenatal visits and to deliver your baby), you might want to hold off on the divorce until after your child is born or you’ve had enough time to get an insurance plan in your name.
If it’s at all possible, you might want to wait until after your baby is born to get a divorce. “Having a baby and having a divorce are both massive undertakings,” says Knight. “And only one of them can wait — the divorce.” So look at the bigger picture (as well as all the fine line details) to determine the correct timing of your divorce. That way, you can ensure that everyone’s rights — especially yours and your baby’s— are protected.
Here’s why you should think twiceIn the first few months of life, your baby’s diet consists entirely of breast milk or formula. But is this enough to parch his thirst? When can babies have water? We’ve answered your most pressing questions.
When Can Babies Have Water?
It’s best not to give your baby water before 6 months. At this newborn stage, breast milk or formula meets every nutritional need for health and development. Plus, you don’t want to fill up your baby on water, since she might not be hungry for feedings. This decrease in appetite may leave her malnourished, potentially leading to weight loss. It may also cause your breast milk supply to diminish. Never dilute formula with water, and always consult a doctor before introducing water into your baby’s diet.
As exciting as it is to welcome a new addition to your family, it’s also majorly taxing on your physical health, your mental health, and — of course — your finances. Money may not be the first consideration for those thinking about welcoming a child into their lives, but we probably don’t have to tell you that a baby is a major investment. Yes, they’re cute. But they also have a lot of needs and, as a result, a lot of expenses — many of which you may not have considered. How much does a baby cost per month? Let’s break it down.
According to the 2015 Expenditures on Children by Families report, a married, two-child, middle-income family (earning between $59,200 and $107,400 annually) could expect to spend approximately $12,680 in the first year of their younger child’s life. If you take into account an average annual inflation rate of 2.2 percent — as well as the fact that one-child households spend an average of 27 percent more on the single child — that $12,680 could be over $17,500 in a one-child, middle-income household in 2019, which equals out to almost $1,500 a month. Whoa, baby.
So what exactly does that $1,500 a month go toward? The initial cost will obviously be more than your average monthly expenditures, especially if you’re welcoming your first baby. Before your bundle of joy arrives, you’ll need baby furniture, and The Bump estimates that you’ll likely spend about $2,000 for a nursery set, including the crib, changing table, rocker, and dresser. You’ll also require a car seat (which costs an average of $175) and a stroller (which can cost anywhere from a few hundred dollars to a thousand, depending on the model). There’s also the cost of giving birth itself, which can rack up an out-of-pocket bill anywhere from $2,244 to $2,669, depending on your type of birth, according to a 2013 survey conducted by Truven Health Analytics, in partnership with Childbirth Connection, Catalyst for Payment Reform, and Healthcare Quality & Payment Reform.
After that initial investment, you’ll have to budget for those recurring expenses, which include diapers, nursing and feeding, health insurance, child care, and clothing. You might be surprised to learn that babies go through an average of six to 12 diapers a day, according to the National Diaper Bank Network, and that can set you back $70 to $80 per month. And if you cannot or choose not to breastfeed, the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children calculates that formula can cost up to $150 per month.
In your baby’s first year, you can expect to make six visits for evaluations and immunizations, plus a few additional visits for illnesses, and the cost will vary dramatically depending on your healthcare policy. Then there’s childcare. According to a Care.com survey, the average weekly childcare cost for a baby in 2019 is $199 for a family care center, $211 for a daycare center, and $596 for a nanny, which equals out to a range of $796 per month to $2,384 per month. Clothing costs will also depend on your needs, as you could spend an average of $60 a month, according to Investopedia, though that largely depends on your family’s needs and income.
Bottom line: babies are expensive. Before you make that major life decision, take a careful look at your finances, since you’ll need an average of $1,500 a month in your first year. Babies are life changing, and wonderful, and cute as can be, but for something so small, they sure cost a heck of a lot.
Let’s Catch Up!
Keep up with POPSUGAR’s hottest stories,
tips, and advice with our daily newsletter,
curated by us, just for you.
Giving birth to and raising a tiny human is tough. And it’s challenging for your relationship, as well. Now, a survey by ChannelMum.com and The Baby Show, conducted by OnePoll, has found that the first year of parenthood can lead to up to seven arguments a day—or over 2,500 arguments in the first year of the baby’s life.
The survey of 2,000 parents concluded that the most common disputes are over who is the most tired, who should get up at night, and 16% of couples are clashing over the lack of sex. Meanwhile, 17% are upset about the general lack of affection, and 12% have had a fight after one pressured the other to have sex.
— Read on www.parents.com/news/the-first-year-of-raising-a-baby-can-lead-to-more-than-2500-arguments-says-new-survey/
As, a Maternal Health Advocate. I’m always looking for ways to encourage and enlighten my clients about getting prepared for having a baby, and when I saw this article I was quite intrigued. I’m not a doctor, nor am I a nutritionist so that’s why I learn from others both educationally and through reading wonderful articles such as this. Really, what is the right age to get pregnant?
Is there really a “right time” to get pregnant? As it turns out, everyone you ask will likely give you a different answer, but take it from these moms who’ve been there and know firsthand. By Jenn Sinrich (Parent.com)
Of course, the optimal time for a woman to get pregnant is when she’s ready—physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially—and this time varies greatly from woman to woman. To help you determine what age might be best for you to get pregnant, we asked experts and real moms to share their seasoned and experienced opinions for every age range.
Before you’re 20
Obviously, this young age range is not ideal for most women, but there’s no denying that you are the most fertile that you’ll ever be at this ripe age. “You are also likely at a lower weight to decrease pregnancy complication risks like gestational diabetes and hypertension,” explains Dr. McDonald. “Ironically, however, preeclampsia rates are highest in the extremes of ages—teens and women in their late 30s and early 40s—so if you’re under the age of 20, you’re included in this risk. Financial concerns that come along with raising a child also reign supreme in this age group.
Although Phylicia I., 29, from Atlanta, Georgia, was married when she got pregnant at the age of 18, she says she still had the mindset of a child. “I was extremely emotional and confused as to how to be a mom being so young,” she says. “Don’t get me wrong, my children were, and still are, gifts from God and changed my life for the better, but it’s hard to be a parent when you still have a lot of growing up to do yourself.” She’s also learned along the way that pregnancy and parenting may have been less stressful if she’d waited a bit longer to have her children because now she says she’s much more knowledgeable, patient, and willing to take the time to parent.
Most women in this age range are still very fertile, with an estimated 25 percent chance of getting pregnant each month. Finances may still be a common burden, as most men and women in their early 20s are still paying student loans and shelling away little money, if any, into their savings.
Bianca D., 27, from Orlando, Florida, was 20 years old when she had her now-7-year-old daughter and 25 when she gave birth to her now 23-month-old son. Although she was still in college, she was able to complete her degree with an amazing support system. “Pregnancy was much easier on my body the first time around since I was a bit younger and more in shape,” she says. “By my second pregnancy, I had transitioned from my full-time career in the marketing industry to being an entrepreneur working from home, so I was less active and my life was more stressful.” She also experienced more complications and a longer recovery time with her second pregnancy, which she attributes to a combination of age and lifestyle. She believes that there is never be a “right time” to get pregnant, saying “whether it’s planned or not, it won’t ever be easy.”
Medically speaking, much is the same in terms of pros and cons for getting pregnant in your mid-to-late 20s. Most women still have a 25 percent chance of achieving a pregnancy every month.
Krystal R., 29, from Miami, Florida, decided to get pregnant right after getting married at age 27, despite the fact that so many people advised her to wait. “What people didn’t know is that my husband and I had talked about this for years—it was something we wanted,” she says. “I truly loved having my daughter at 27—I felt young, confident, full of energy, and ready to be the best mom I could be.”
Although Madelyn M., 30, from Atlanta, Georgia, had her first child at 28, she’s still feeling the pressure, especially from family, to get started on trying for a second. “Growing up in a Hispanic family, I feel the pressure to have all of my kids before my mid-30s,” she says. “Society puts so much pressure on us, but I do agree that having children in your mid-20s allows you some flexibility and doesn’t make you feel that you need to pop out babies one after the other.”
“Once you hit your 30s, particularly 35 and beyond, we do start seeing a diminution in fertility, but that’s not an absolute—and if you are still quite busy with establishing a career, or haven’t found the perfect partner, you shouldn’t be pushed into getting pregnant just to have a child,” says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical professor of ob-gyn at Yale University. “However, you also need to take into account how many kids you want.”
In terms of pros, getting pregnant in your early 30s allows women a significant amount of time to enjoy their young adult years, explore their career and get to know themselves. This was the case for Kelly M., 46, from Suffern, New York, who had her first at 34. She thinks there’s definitely something to be said for waiting until you’re older and having other life experiences behind you. “I was definitely not ready for that type of commitment in my 20s when I still had much I wanted to accomplish and not put on the back burner until the kids were older,” she says.
For Meghan E., 37, from Richmond, Virginia, getting pregnant at 32 gave her the optimal time she needed to establish her career and feel as though she was on solid ground emotionally. “There’s no doubt that even in the best pregnancies and easiest of babies, you still need to cut back with your work, even temporarily, but I put about four solid years into building a name for myself, as well as a solid base of loyal clients, which allowed me to take that temporary step back when needed,” she says. With that being said, she acknowledges some drawbacks to waiting until your 30s. “I knew we were only going to have 1-2 children so I didn’t feel terribly rushed, but if someone does want to have more than a couple, or they are keen on really spacing out children, then you would consider starting earlier.”
Unfortunately, it’s true that fertility starts to decline substantially at 32, and more rapidly at 37. In addition, fertility assistance success, like IVF success rates, also start to decline, adding to the cost of treatment, points out Dr. McDonald. “Health risks also start to rise, like hypertension, diabetes in pregnancy, and preeclampsia, as well as rates of chromosomal abnormalities (though the rate is still less than 1 percent at the age of 40).” Women in this age range should consider seeking the help of their gynecologist or REI specialist after 6 months of trying.
Monica B., 43, from Northport, New York, enjoyed having her two children at 35 and 37 respectively because it gave her more time to mature and become more financially stable. “Because of where I was in my career when I had my son, I had the experience and know-how to start my own consulting business so I could be my own boss and design my own hours, which I wouldn’t have been able to do a few years earlier,” she says. “I would say the one downside is that I seem to have several years on all the moms around me, which makes me feel somewhat disconnected. I’d still be invited to the moms’ night out kind of things, but there was always something in our conversations that underscored the age gap.”
By age 40, a healthy woman’s chances of becoming pregnant each month are less than 5 percent. The bigger concern within this age range, however, are the medical risks involved. “Women who are older than 40 have an increase in early pregnancy complications, such as ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages, as well as later pregnancy complications such as preeclampsia, diabetes, placental problems such as placenta previa, low birth weight, and preterm labor, as well as a higher rate of fetal demise,” explains Anate Brauer, M.D., a reproductive endocrinologist at the Greenwich Fertility and IVF Centers and assistant professor of ob-gyn at NYU School of Medicine. “All of these risks are increased if a woman has pre-existing conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, or obesity.” Additionally, Dr. Brauer points out, multiple pregnancies, such as twins and triplets, which are more common when undergoing fertility treatments, significantly increase these risks.
Suzana S., 43, from Astoria, New York, delivered her daughter one-month shy of her 41st birthday—and wouldn’t change the timing for the world. “I’m glad I had my daughter when I did because I had given myself many years to explore the meaning of my own life and define myself,” she says. “Because of my life experiences, I know I can help my daughter sift through all the noise in her life to discover what is true and beautiful for her, to live a life of purpose and love.”
All in all, experts and moms agree that there’s really no right answer to the question of “when is the best age to get pregnant?” Biologically, the answer is probably the early 20s, but innumerable factors must be considered, many of which differ by individual. Your best plan of action is to do what feels right for you—whatever that may be.